Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Fear and the Art of What-the-Hell-ing It.

For the first time this week, my book, NIGHTMUTE, was read by eyes other than my own.

I'm pretty sure the overwhelming panic and nerves and general unwell feeling I lived with for two days is sort of what dying feels like...if self-doubt could kill. Fortunately, it can't. Trust me--I know. If anyone was going to succumb to a lethal case of insecurity, it would be me.




Two people read my book at the same time...people I know and trust...and it was actually not that bad. One reader pinpointed the exact problem with a scene that I knew wasn't right but couldn't put my finger on, and the other HATED where it ended. Apparently my ending is emotional and rollercoastery, and it ended too soon for her to settle all those intense feelings. She demanded an Epilogue, and I can kinda see her point. So despite the sheer panic...and all the THIS:


I survived. Better than survived. Aside from a couple of small random things, and those two medium-ish issues, the reports were glowing. I think my cheeks might be broken from the awkwardness of ginger-blushing and cheesy-grinning at the same time.

So now that I've had some eyes on it, I'm actually almost ready for beta readers. I'm tweaking and tightening and trying to make it as perfect as possible so any betas I round up can read a version as close to perfect as I'm capable of making it. Which brings me to Scary Thing #2 for this week.

WORD COUNT 


I've watched it creep up for a while now with a vague sense of dread, but I haven't done anything to stop it. Now it's an out of control beast, and my attempts at damage control seem too little, too late. 

But I'm working on it. (See my method for cutting down rampaging word beasts here.) 

I'm not going to lie--it's intimidating. Especially if I do decide to write an epilogue. I've done so much and come so far, though, that this last little bit is nothing. I'll figure it out, and my book will be so much better for the time I took to whittle it down.

Okay, so now for Scary Thing #3. 

Community. 

I'm sort of an awkward wallflower of a person. Especially online. I'm your classic lurker. I visit blogs, I follow conversations on Twitter...but I don't usually join in. I've been trying to change this, lately. I love my writer buddies so much, and I wouldn't mind more of them. Writers are truly amazing people, and they have a lot of thoughts to share. 

I started small...commenting more on AbsoluteWrite.com. Zoe convinced me to participate in the Game of Secrets, an event the ladies over at The Secret Life of Writers are putting on. 

Then I saw this.

The YAvengers are looking for new members! 

The prospect of applying is scary, yeah, but it's also exciting. I love comic books. When I was 17, my best friend and I might've written X-men fanfiction together... (I didn't know what fanfiction was then. We just had all these notebooks with stories, and one of our stories just happened to be about our favorite X-Men characters.) 

And I love YA novels. I've written two, and I read as many as I can get my hands on. For my internship, my favorite books to read are always the YA submissions.

So am I qualified? Who knows. I live books, but I don't have the strongest online presence. That's why I'm so interested in joining a group blog. It seems like it would feel different...less like screaming into the abyss, and more like tales around a campfire. Or something. :P

I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to apply for Black Widow, so maybe my super-secret-stealthy skills will come in handy. 

I'm a little this

But mostly this



   

And that's all that matters, right?
(teehee...TeenWolf gifs...)




So wish me luck!


Hopefully you all challenge yourselves to do three things that scare you this week. <3

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